At My Door
by NeuroticMuse413
Summary: Post-Unending. It’s Sam’s retirement party and her former CO only knows how to make a bad situation worse. Awkward conversations and lustful frustrations abound.
1. The Man at my Door

**AT MY DOOR  
**_by NeuroticMuse413_

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**SUMMARY:** Post-Unending. It's Sam's retirement party and her former CO only knows how to make a bad situation worse. Awkward conversations and lustful frustrations abound.

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I knew Daniel was planning this for weeks. I marked it on my calendar, cleaned up my house, and even fixed up my hair. I had to since my last excursion through the Gate left me with scorch marks in all sorts of awkward places. I patched myself up in the mirror as usual – I'd learned to stock up on gauze and antiseptic years ago – and sighed at my tired reflection.

I'd probably pioneered some of the most important scientific fields in the last century, been engaged more times than most women with my income ever will, and still, I had butterflies the size of plates running around my stomach.

"It's over," I whispered to myself over and over. I shut my eyes and chanted it for a moment, trying to find the strength. I heard the voices outside my room. Daniel had sent out a memo to the entire SGC. But General O'Neill wasn't part of the SGC anymore. He was in a whole other section and I knew for a fact that he didn't check his e-mails even when he _was_ at the SGC.

Even if he did care enough, I knew he wasn't going to be out there but a part of me had practiced these speeches for years. I couldn't help it. My retirement was just the final goodbye. There was no reason to hold on anymore. He wasn't giving up his position anytime soon. I'd driven him so far up the ladder that a few stolen kisses and warm embraces didn't mean a thing anymore.

"What is over, Colonel Carter?" Teal'c asked from my bedroom door. I jumped and spilled a bottle of perfume all over my hands. I cursed softly and hurried to my master bathroom to wash it off.

"Sorry! Sorry, Teal'c! I'll be right there. And lay off the Colonel. I never want to hear another military rank as long as I live," I said with a sad chuckle. Teal'c could see right through me, as usual. I should never have given him that book on basic human expression. He was meant to emulate it, not use it to psychoanalyze his teammates to death.

When I left the bathroom, trying to rub the smell off my hands on a towel, he was standing there with his arms behind his back. I knew that pose. He wasn't going to budge either.

"Come on, Teal'c," I said. "Don't give me the eyebrow. I'm playing nice today."

"I don't believe I understand, Samantha. Why are you not joyous to be relieved from duty with honors?"

I shrugged and tried to make my way around him, back to the mirror to finish trimming the burnt bits of hair. My long ponytail was gone, yet again. "I don't know, Teal'c. I guess I never expected I'd have to do it."

"Did you believe O'Neill would be the first to do so?" he asked. Damn his bluntness.

I walked around the subject. I was just trying to buy time, to better compose my excuse but nothing came to mind besides a misplaced indignation. "He's certainly been at it longer but no. I don't expect anything of _O'Neill_." I let my disdain drip off his name, making the anger rise inside me until I couldn't help throwing the stupid perfume bottle at the wall.

He clutched my arm before I could throw my hairbrush and brought me to his chest. I sobbed for a few moments, as quietly as possible, before putting my pieces back together.

"Thank you, Teal'c," I said, clearing my throat. I wiped away the only tear I let escape and nodded towards the door. "Come on. You owe me a dance, big guy."

I smirked at him and went off into the party. Even as I greeted people, making the rounds like a drunken socialite, my eyes wandered the room for Jack. I even imagined hearing his voice among them. When I'd finally find time to sit down and breathe in the comfort of Daniel's understanding, quiet presence by the veranda, I'd close my eyes and try to remember his voice, his smile, the power of his touch. It wasn't even a matter of missing a friend or a lover. It was like missing my father all over again, mourning him.

Jack was family, just like Daniel and Teal'c if not more so.

"He should have been here," said Daniel finally, tortured by my silence. "We dragged it out as long as we could. I'm sorry, Sam."

I laughed. I could have denied it but it wasn't worth it. I was retired, I reminded myself. No point in lying to my friends. There were no more taboo topics.

"I don't know what I'd – I'd have done if he _had_ come. It's okay. We never agreed anything. I guess I just worked it out in my head that as soon as one of us retired, quit, got fired… we'd be at each other's door," I confessed. My voice was dead, emotionless.

"You were at his door when he was—" he began but I covered his mouth with my palm.

"That's not going to make me feel better, Daniel. We were never anything. You can't help growing a bond with people you work with, especially given all the death we see. It was easier for me thinking my superior officer would do anything for me. It's easier now thinking he would have done the same for anyone."

Daniel shook off my hand. "Don't be an idiot. You finally had something going and you went off to Atlantis. What did you want him to do?"

"Move on!" I shouted, standing. Almost everyone had gone. Those remaining were too far away to hear me. I didn't have to whisper when I certainly felt like screaming. "I told him to move on, Daniel. I just assumed—"

"Assumed what?" came a voice behind me.

He always did have impeccable timing. I snapped around but I knew that voice anywhere. It made my skin over my heart quiver and ripple and I wanted to die. "General!" I yelled, holding my heart in place.

He gave me his odd, one-sided smirk. I realized he was in full Air Force formal blues and a few sprigs of white flowers were sticking out behind his back. "What's up?"

Daniel burst out in snickers. "God, you two really do have bad timing," he said, walking past us back into the party.

Jack didn't even notice. His eyes were fixed on mine. "Got the gang back together, huh?"

"Now it is, yea," I said, still wide-eyed and stunned. "What are you doing here, sir?"

He laughed. "Cut the sir, Sam. You're retired!" he exclaimed as though it were truly wonderful news and not the most devastating decision of my life. I smiled but bared no teeth. "Come on! Get happy!"

He pulled the bouquet of flowers from behind his back. It was large and white, hardly romantic but I doubted he knew the meaning of flowers. I bet he couldn't even pronounce their names though they were lovely.

"Your assistant picked them out?" I snarked.

He shrugged. "Maybe. Maybe not."

I laughed and allowed him to wrap one arm around me, hugging me awkwardly. I kept the bouquet between us, limiting the intimacy. I shut my eyes and breathed in, unable to stop myself. His scent made my tense shoulders drop and my heartbeat slow to normal rhythm. It was the smell of gunpowder and office furniture and… safety, the feeling that drew me to him.

I groaned and stepped away. He seemed to sense something brewing inside me. "What's up? You okay? You've got your I've-got-a-headache brow."

I smiled and avoided his eyes. I looked off at my bedroom door just through the living room. Only the truly closest friends remained, too caught up in stories of old times to notice me dragging Jack off to my bed. He didn't resist, not even when he realized where I'd taken him. He shut the door behind him.

"Sorry I'm late," he said, his back rested to the door as though intentionally blocking my way out. "I got stuck in DC. The President wanted me to—"

I pressed my body to his, effectively shutting him up. I kept my hand on his chest, keeping me at bay. "I don't care. You came."

"Well, yea, Sam. You think I'd miss seeing you off?"

I gulped. "You know?"

"That you got a cushy job at Cape Canaveral? Yah. I'm on your references list, Sammy. They called me up. I of course raved about your ability to blow up stars and all that junk."

My eye got wide again. "You better be kidding."

"If I weren't, I'd be in handcuffs and that scary-looking bed over there would be a prison cot. Classified, remember?" he said with a gulp and a smile. I was still dangerously close.

"Scary, huh?" I answered. "Then why are you here, Jack?"

He smiled larger than I'd seen in years, back when he was just a colonel and I was a lowly captain. I told myself things had changed, that I had gotten braver and ventured off on my own, survived well enough without him… but that was all a lie.

"Are you just here to say goodbye?" I urged him on.

He shook his head. "You didn't think I'd wait for you, did ya?"

A shiver ran through me, so strong that I had to stumble backwards onto the edge of the bed to control myself. I sat but he lingered by the door. "I couldn't do it anymore, Jack. I couldn't do it as easily as you can. I can't pretend anymore."

"Pretend what?" he asked, coming to sit beside me. Instinctively, my head fell on his shoulder. It fit so perfectly that, for a moment, I believed this was actually happening. I remembered all the other times I was allowed this intimacy, on other planets where labels and professionalism didn't matter.

"After Hammond died… I… I can't do this thing you do. You can show up to work and act like you don't care but I'm not like that. I don't have a cabin in the woods to escape to. I don't have another life. Every time I try to get one, I just get reminded that no one will—will ever know me like you do!"

I was in tears, uncontrollable and sudden and I quickly realized that it was okay as long as his arm was around me. He didn't move. He was a rock, my own personal brick wall. I could collapse before him as I'd done countless times before and he'd always be there to steady me. Just like Daniel and just like Teal'c. Just like Janet and General Hammond did when they were alive.

My tears seemed irrelevant and I hurried to wipe them off. I was strong again, as long as he never let go.

I parted a little and looked up at his face. Just like I thought. Stone. Immoveable.

He smirked awkwardly. "Yea, well… it's a gift. And a curse," he said.

I would normally have laughed but he was so… different, and at the same time, it felt like déjà vu. "How can you do that? How can you be so calm?"

"I've got you to freak out for me," he answered, his smile growing wider. I parted from him a moment to get a better looked at his face, to better read him. He understood that I expected a real answer this time. There was no more reason to lie. "Sam, how many times have we been inches from death? And what do I do? I look at you and ask you to come up with some crazy scheme and you always do. I don't have to understand it. I just have to listen to you and trust you and I know we're going to be fine. You're a little emotional sometimes but that's what makes you so… brilliant. You care. I'm here to make sure you don't let that blind you."

"You keep me steady," I whispered, reaching up to caress his cheek. It didn't feel wrong or forbidden. There was no one looking in, no cameras and no one to stop us.

"It's why we work," he said. I noticed the present tense. He noticed it too and added, "We were a good team."

I smirked. "The best. The SGC is positively dying without us," I joked, keeping up with his charade.

That was the thing about Jack. You never really knew if he was talking about work or us. It's how we were able to stay together for so long without letting it get in the way.

He came to the same realization and whispered tentatively, clarifying, "_I'm_ dying without you."

The room was silent, everything but the beating of my heart. The tears came again but they too were silent. He smiled and wiped them away with his thumb. We were almost intertwined, our arms tangled in a slowly-creeping embrace. We were still fighting with ourselves to give in. It was easy to cry, to rest upon each other. It was harder to express what we spent over a decade trying to hide, what would always be unspoken.

We couldn't say those three words. I love you. It didn't exist to us. There was just a kiss, one like many stolen before and easily forgotten or dismissed. Only this time, it lasted so long. It seemed almost endless until we heard Daniel's knock on the door.

"Hey, are you guys done in there? Some of us need to use the bathroom!" he shouted.

Jack and I chuckled and broke apart. Our limbs were sore as though our bodies fought with themselves to give in and fight it at the same time.

Jack wiped his mouth on the back of his hand and smiled at me. I turned a cherry red and quickly stood, doing the same. He cleared his throat and checked the clock by my bed.

"Crap!" he hissed. "I have to be back in DC. You gonna be okay?"

I laughed. I'd been fine without him in a whole other galaxy. I could handle a couple of days. "Yea, I'll be fine," I answered hoarsely.

He straightened himself up and went to the door. Daniel and Vala were on the other side, leaning against the door. I doubted they could have heard anything but they still nearly fell into the room.

"It was his idea!" shouted Vala though I knew better. Daniel gasped as though offended.

"Oh shut up!" he responded.

Jack tried to sneak past them, obviously in a hurry. He checked his watch one more time to make sure. "I gotta go," he said again, his tone apologetic and low so I knew he was talking to me alone. Daniel and Vala looked from me to Jack and back again, slow smiled blossoming on their treacherous little faces.

"I know," I answered, not wanting to give too much away. He still lingered, almost jumping in place as though fighting with himself to leave.

Cameron blasted past Daniel and Vala, holding his crotch as he hopped to the bathroom. "You bastards! I was waiting outside for fifteen minutes!" he said, slamming the bathroom door shut.

Jack laughed and waved between us, whispering, "Can we finish this later?"

I nodded and he was off, smiling like a kid.

Vala narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Daniel crossed his arms, smile wide as a Cheshire cat's. "Why Colonel Carter, you're blushing!" said Vala. She turned towards Daniel and smacked him in the arm. "I told you there was something there! Why'd you always tell me to shut up?"

"I tell you to shut up no matter what you say," he replied calmly. I burst out laughing and pushed them out the door. I wondered if Jack and I could ever be so comfortable with each other. It didn't matter. I just knew that we took the first step. He showed up at my door and that's all that counted.

It meant he was willing to try, that he still cared for me. Hell, maybe he even loved me.

I didn't get my hopes up right away. I still had Cape Canaveral calling me every other hour and Jack was in DC all the time. It didn't matter. All I knew was that all other goals, all prospect of career, seemed meaningless after those ten years at the SGC. We'd seen more than any person on this planet.

Surely, we could handle a romantic relationship.

If we were willing to try. Right?

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_This was going to be a one-shot but how would you all feel if I made it a five-chapter novel? _

**REVIEWS make Jack say delightfully ridiculous things. Well, what doesn't?**


	2. In Vino Veritas

**AT MY DOOR**, _Part Two_

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_So, I had planned this to be a one-shot but reviewers agree that I should continue. So I shall, but only for a chapter or two more. I have some original novels that demand some loving and affection. We'll see. Depends on reviews. Thank you for reading! Onto the continuation of Jack and Sam's pathetic behind-the-scenes relationship…_

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I got a call from Jack's secretary two days later. She sounded older with a trilling voice and annoying perkiness. I had just gotten out of the shower and had to run to get the phone so I sounded horribly out of breath and I was sure the woman could hear the water dripping all around me.

"Hello?" I huffed, holding up my towel. I was expecting a call from the Air Force about some medal ceremony in a few weeks. They needed to make sure my teeth matched my dress or some such crap.

"Is this Ms...? Uh, Sam?" she said. I chuckled. She was trying so hard to be proper.

"Yes this is Dr. Samantha Carter."

"Ah, Dr. Carter! This wouldn't be Colonel Carter, would it? I'm so sorry. I'm afraid General O'Neill only left me your first name and number in his date book. He has you written down for dinner on Saturday at 7:00. Would that be alright with you?" she rambled. I could tell why Jack hired her. She was pleasant enough not to want to wring her neck and did everything with Walter-like efficiency.

I had dinner with Landry and Teal'c on the base – he'd been trying out his new cooking skills, after mastering interior decoration the year before – but I'd just have to cancel. They'd understand. In fact, I'm afraid Teal'c might try to use me as a human sacrifice if Jack and I didn't _finally_ give it a try.

"Yes, ma'am, Satur—" I began but was cut off by angry shouting and what sounded like someone snatching the phone away from the secretary.

Jack's voice rang through suddenly, making me pull up my towel even further as though he were in the room. "Hello? Hello?"

I laughed. "Hello, sir," I answered.

"Sorry about that!" he shouted as though in a hurry. It sounded like he had thirty people in the room with him, all calling for his attention. "They ask to know where I am every flippin' second and Maura thought I'd left your number to—Anyway! Forget about it. Are we good for Saturday?"

I laughed softly. "Yes, sir, I'll have my people call your people."

He chuckled dryly. "Ha. Ha. Ha. I don't have people, Carter. I have hired guns. Literally."

I heard Maura the Secretary laughing in the background. She stole the phone away from Jack again and all the voices seemed to move as though the mob were being dragged into Jack's office, which I still had never seen.

"He'll be flying to Colorado on Friday," Maura whispered. "Just so you know. And he'll never act it but I know for a fact he's excited."

"Oh?" I squeaked, my voice an octave higher. "Is that right?"

"Are you kidding? All he ever asks his old friends at the SGC is how Carter's doing. Has she blown up anything? Is she back from Atlantis? I didn't even know you had a first name, dear, but you're all I hear," she said with a laugh guffaw. It was starting to get annoyingly chipper again and I'd managed to soak my carpet through.

"I'm genuinely surprised," I lied.

I would have done the same if I didn't talk to him every week. I got my gossip straight from the source but I suppose he was too busy to ask me everything he wanted to ask. For once, I didn't envy his once complete lack of work ethic. Even when he had the lives of a dozen people in his hands, he didn't sound so stressed, had so much expected of him. He was a public figure now, which I could understand but only imagine. He couldn't just retire the way I did, not anymore.

We exchanged pleasantries and hung up and I was left with this strange sensation like I had a date but didn't at the same time. It was just Jack, whom I knew. I suppose there was no mystery there. We'd never really sat around and talked just us two but it hadn't hit me yet, the prospect of our relationship. The physical aspects of it certainly hadn't and it was better that way.

News of the date that wasn't the date had spread to all present and past members of SG-1 still planet-side, courtesy of Vala. Come Saturday, I still didn't know what to wear so she happily agreed to help. Well, she showed up at my place and asked me if the skirt and sensible shirt I was wearing were on the menu for tonight and insisted that I should burn it if I ever wanted to get laid again.

Obviously, I pushed her out of my house and locked the door. She understood. She still knocked on my door twice. Which is why I opened my door in a huff the third time when Jack was there, his cell phone to his ear. He saw me in the doorway, looking all angry and surprised and closed it without even saying goodbye. I thought I briefly heard a muffled group yelling on the other side. Quite loudly.

He pocketed the phone and I realized that he looked… fancy? As fancy as Jack O'Neill got. I looked down at myself, at the tight jeans and tight black top that, while casually sexy, were nowhere near his standards.

"Wow," I said. "I thought you were Vala."

He raised an eyebrow and looked down at his nice shoes. "Yea… I get that all the time. It's my sassy demeanor," he joked. "You ready?"

I shrugged. "I suppose."

He nodded towards his truck in the driveway. I felt like a kid getting picked up for school by the hot dad in the neighborhood carpool. I climbed up before he could open my door. He seemed to sort of fumble about, unsure whether he should have or not.

He turned towards me once he started the ignition, his brow furrowed questioningly. "Oh relax, Jack," I preemptively said. "If you start acting any differently, I may have to chuck you right here and now."

He narrowed his eyes at me. "Stop hanging out with Vala. She's affecting your vocabulary. Next you'll be calling me Muscles and parading around in leather." He stopped for a moment, his hands on the steering wheel, before continuing, "Actually, that wouldn't be half bad."

I slapped his arm playfully and we were out of my driveway. He asked me about the everyday things like how that book I was writing was going and whether the two people capable of understanding it in this world liked it. I asked him about the state of affairs at DC and whether he'd be coming back to visit the base again soon. Teal'c cooking skills could not be missed.

Frankly, we talked about what we always talked about. Silly things. Everyday things. Jack's ridiculous observations on life. A seemingly endless contest to see who could do the best Simpsons impressions. A recollection of what planets had the best and worst taste.

By the time we finished eating, the restaurant was closing and I couldn't remember what I'd eaten or where we'd gone, only that I'd had a fabulous time and that it was nearing midnight. So fabulous that I didn't even notice that I'd drunk my 7th glass of wine until I was seeing double.

He apparently didn't have to pay, just nod at the owner in the back and wave and it was all good. I hated when he did that but I got the idea that he wasn't exactly the type of guy to stay home and cook. He was probably a repeat customer, with a very large tab.

"Come on, Cinderella," he said, pulling my giggling ass up from my seat. He'd had a beer at the beginning of the night but that was it. I, however, had downed enough alcohol to think the sound of a truck backfiring was funny. Jack seemed to abuse my inebriation. He practically dragged me to the car. I think I fell asleep in the passenger's seat because he kept talking but my eyes were closed and I have no idea when we got to my front door.

He came around and helped pull me out, both laughing. "Where are your keys?" he asked at the front door.

"Back pocket," I slurred. He reached back and pulled out the keys, a smirk on his face. "Watch it, buddy."

"Hey, I'm not the one who attacks innocent young Colonels in locker rooms," he countered, pushing in the door. It got stuck sometimes and we had to both give it a kick, still laughing like drunken bastards.

"I was under the influence of an alien virus!" I said. "As I am now. I call said virus alcohol. Let it go down in the books."

He didn't bother with a response. I practically fell through the door and we landed on the carpet. "Carter, I'm getting too old for this!" he hissed. "And I have to get up at 7:00 so you damn well better get your ass to bed. That's an order!"

"I'm retired!" I called back. "God, we're pathetic at this."

He set me down on the couch and looked around for a throw or a blanket. I pointed at the fireplace. There was a basket with a few folded up on the floor. He brought one up to me and spread it out, covering my freezing body. I didn't even realize I was cold until I went to talk and could suddenly hear my teeth chattering.

"Pathetic at what?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the couch. He leaned over me and, for a moment, I thought he was going to kiss me like something out of _Snow White_. I smiled brightly.

"At relationships. We're awful. Look at us. We can't even get through a single date without being interrupted or shipped off to another galaxy or so drunk we can't move," I said, my eyes rolling back into my head.

"I thought we did pretty well tonight," he answered, his tone a tad sadder.

I opened my eyes and tried to sit up a bit, almost bumping heads with him. His hands grabbed hold of my shoulders, steadying me and keeping me away at the same time. "What d-d-do you mean?" I stammered. "We did the same thing we always do. We talked."

He smirked but he still wouldn't get any closer. I figured he wouldn't take advantage of me while drunk. He wouldn't even take advantage of me when I really was oh so memorably attacking him in locker rooms thirteen years ago.

"Look, Sam… It's what we are. We talk. We have fun. What more do you want in a relationship?"

He was completely serious but I was hardly in any condition to respond. Maybe he knew this and was hoping I'd forget it in the morning but it took more than seven glasses of wine to bring me down. I was used to whiskey shots with my father, brother, and half the United States Armed Forces. I sat up fully and took his face in my hands. I couldn't quite focus on his features but the graying hair was all I needed to know it was him.

"I want it to feel different," I confessed, getting teary-eyed all over again. I sniffed it all down, trying to hide my puffy eyes as an effect of the alcohol. "It still feels like we're just friends. I want to feel different when I'm around you."

"Different? Different how?"

"I want to feel loved, instead of just admired!" I confessed. Oh yes. That was the wine talking. But, as someone Daniel probably knows once said, in vino veritas. In wine, truth. "I love you. You know that. So why don't I ever feel that way with you?"

"What do you feel when you're with me?" he asked but by the way he looked at my lips, he honestly didn't care. For a split second, I realized I'd just confessed my love for him but, then again, he already knew that.

"Safe!" I shouted. I seemed steady enough on the outside, I knew, but my hands were ice cold and his cheeks were growing warmer under my fingertips. "You make me feel safe but you don't make me feel wanted."

"Well, you can't blame me. I wasn't exactly allowed to do that before last week."

I chuckled because he'd leaned so close to me that he was whispering into my cheek, tickling my skin. I dropped my hands to his shoulders, then his waist, pulling him closer. I knew he'd stop me eventually.

"So what are you saying? You want me?" I said with a laugh. It was true. He hadn't exactly shown me much affection the last oh, decade. And again, it was true that he hadn't been allowed to. And, again, it was also true that while I'd had quite a few suitors my years at the SGC, he'd only ever had me. _Loved_ me. He didn't have to say it for me to know. He never had to speak again. I could read it in his eyes, even drunk.

"Yes," he whispered, kissing my jawbone softly. "I want you."

I moaned his name and threw my head back, mainly because it'd suddenly gotten too heavy. The kisses trailed so slowly that my thighs trembled beneath the blanket, my skin once again shivering though, this time, much lower and much stronger.

His lips reached mine and he wrapped his arm around my waist to keep me from collapsing back onto the sofa. "And tomorrow," he whispered, "I'll be sure to remind you."

I groaned like a petulant child as he rested me gently back down onto the sofa. "You're no fun," I mumbled, my eyes closing.

"That's what you get when you date older guys," he added just before giving me one final, soft kiss, and standing up. I felt his weight lift off the couch but my eyes were closed and I was too tired to open them again till morning. He wished me a good night and, a few moments later, I heard the door close behind him and his truck drive away.

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_Forgive errors! It's unedited. It should prove steamier soon when Jack announces a few things. No, I'm not going to write a sex scene… unless you really, really beg. Lol. _

**REVIEWS make Sam freak out once sober, which always serves for a good laugh. **


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